Barack Hussein Obama.
AKA Barry Soetoro.
AKA Keyser Soze.
AKA…today’s candidate for consideration on Pin the Tail on the Antichrist!
[insert Omen theme music and applause here]
So you may be asking, “How could it possibly have taken us so long to consider this guy as a serious contestant on PToA?”
We here at Pin the Tail have heard your pleas and couldn’t agree more. I mean, with a resume like Obama’s, how could he not be a serious candidate for You Know Who?
He’s driven tens of millions onto the food stamp rolls and into State dependency! [insert maniacal laughter here]
He’s all about disarming law abiding citizens through the imposition of Australian-style gun control and more (think: “Executive Action” [insert more maniacal laughter here]).
He’s given us the corporation-written, State-supercharging, culture- and economy-transforming “miracle” of ObamaCare…which then introduced us to the now legendarily (and purposefully?) incompetent HealthCare.gov.
He’s told us that, under Obamacare, we could keep our (then present) health plan if we wanted to, that we could also keep our current doctors under ObamaCare, and that we who have built businesses and such didn’t actually build whatever it is that thought we built when we worked so hard and sacrificed so much to built it.
He’s all about perpetually raising our comically labeled “debt ceiling”…while assuring us that doing so wont necessarily raise our actual debt.
He, like the Republican and Democrat Corpo-Fascist puppets before him, has complete confidence in the Federal Reserve’s fiat-slavery-through-fiat-currency system.
He, like most Republican and Democrat Corpo-Fascist “leaders”, is very big on supporting “moderate Muslim freedom fighters” (like ISIS) so that they are better equipped to play their alternating role of “extremist Muslim terrorists” (like ISIS) when needed to provide justification for the pursuit of perpetual war in places like Syria, Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Ukraine, while at the same time militarizing the homeland and destroying the liberties of American citizens in the name of “security”. (Orwell, anyone?)
He’s all about the “right to choose” to murder innocent children for convenience by any and all means available, including punching a hole in their adorable little skulls in order to suck their sweet little brains out while their legs and torsos have been “born”, but their heads are still inside of their mommies.
Awww…now those are the “family values” we like to see here at PToA!
And when he’s not doing all he can to assure that the maximum number of American babies are murdered for convenience here in “the land of liberty”, he strives mightily to entice children of all ages from all other failing nations to come on in and help with the looting (aka “Cloward-Pivening”) of America by rolling on in through the swung-open southern border and hopping on the Welfare/Warfare State bandwagon.
For those lucky kiddos who manage finish the trip without drowning in the Rio Grande or being eaten by wild animals, there is the proverbial Corpo-Statist funded pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Plucky, lucky, and utterly unvetted survivors can then kick off the first wave of their post-invasion celebration in style with a U.S. funded two week stay in a fifty-million dollar resort en route to government funded transportation which will then have ’em en route to…pretty much anywhere they wanna go in the mainland U.S!
Additional travel perks include getting to fly without proof of identification while actual American citizens bend over on command so that TSA goons can fondle away and confirm that al-Qaeda isn’t hiding in their underwear.
Even with all of these unbelievably(!) nifty perks, some in the newly arriving foreign invasion force are opting to skip the resort stays and get straight to murdering and kidnapping actual American citizens after being released into the country by U.S. “border control” folks.
Clearly, Barack Hussein Obama has trampled the Constitution with a wide open contempt not seen since the days of Lincoln…which is why he and his team understandably aim to emphasize the obvious philosophical overlap that he has with the revered (and untouchable) Republican icon where the supremacy of the Federal State and the practical insignificance of the Constitution are concerned.
Look, this list could go on and on, but you get the point:
This guy is incredible!
For the sake of time and so we can get to our judges’ scorecards, we’re gonna have to close this portion of our presentation by noting that, in a nutshell, this man has done more to “fundamentally transform” America into a solidly, openly God-hating culture than any other President.
“Fundamental transformation of America” complete…or nearly so, it seems.
Enough to start the perpetual vacation-filled victory lap(s), anyway…and Barry definitely seems to have received that memo…
He vacations more than the Griswolds, golfs more than Tiger Woods, and can’t seem to even slow down on the fun long enough to notice that the country is imploding around his presidency…but…then again, perhaps that’s exactly what he’s celebrating?
Yeah, that’s probably it.
Okay, scratch the “probably”.
This whole Obama deal is anything but accidental.
This ongoing trainwreck of apocalyptic proportions has not come our way by mistake.
Barry O is no “Oops, I wrecked the country!” buffoon.
Not at all.
He is not an idiot, dolt or moron, and this unrelenting disaster has not been brought upon us by sheer negligence or incompetence. Sure, good ol’ fashioned negligence and incompetence have made serious contributions here and there along the way, but the overall program unfolding even now before our awestruck little eyes has been very well and very purposefully executed.
And we still have well over two years to go.
I mean, wow! He’s done that much damage and still has over two years left to ravage?
Oh yeah, this guy is for real!
So it is that we come to the question in sort of a backwards way then, and ask, “How can this guy not be the anti-Christ?”
At this point would anyone really be all that surprised if Ave Satani just started playing out of nowhere the next time he strolled onto a teleprompter equipped stage…
…while he was pushing The Button to nuke, I dunno, Texas? (Wait, he’s already kinda done that, hasn’t he?)…
…while smoking a Colorado/Seattle-legal special that he just hand crafted from parchment from the actual Constitution…
…while eating a live kitten…
…all to the happy applause of the American press, of course.
Nah, none of this would be all too stunning at this point.
Even so, the bar is very high here at PToA.
And by “very high” we mean really, really low, at least in the dark and evil sense of lowness. You know, “up is down, down is up” and all o’ that.
The title of Antichrist (as in The Antichrist, not an anti-Christ) cannot be awarded lightly and should not be applied in a fit of emotion, no matter what you may have heard from Jack Van Impe. You can’t just throw this kind of tag around, you know?
This is a job for experts, and we have three of the most experty experts here on our PToA Judges Panel.
For those of you who are new to the program, here’s how this works:
Our three judges – Damien, Nicolae, and Cthulhu (bios will be posted at the PToA site soon), having each received resume and biographical info on the candidate in question by way of carrier-raven, will each submit a rating or score regarding the viability of said candidate. This rating will then be returned to PToA HQ by carrier-raven (both for dramatic and NSA-avoidance reasons).
The range of possible scores goes from 1.0-6.6, with 6.6 being the maximum possible rating.
In order to successfully Pin the Tail on the Antichrist, the candidate in question must receive at least a 6.1 from each of the three judges and at least one of those judges must award a “perfect” 6.6.
So then any scoring of less than 6.1 by any single judge prevents The Tail from being pinned onto the You Know Who.
And just in time, as the last carrier-raven has just landed and we are about to unroll the final scoring ballot…
This is so exciting!
While we get that done, let’s go ahead and record the scores from the two judges who understand and appreciate the concept of timely carrier-raven dispatch…
First we have Nicolae, our ever eager junior member of the panel…who scores Obama with…[drumroll]…a 6.3!
Well done, Barry!
You are in this thing!
Now for Damien, who is notoriously nitpicky…
And Damien scores America’s First Gay President as a…*gasp!*…6.1!!
Can you feel it?!!
We are this close to pinning The Tail!
It all comes down to Cthulhu, “The Great Old One” himself, whose return parchment we are just…unrolling…now…
…and it is…hang in there…haveta shake off the slime…
…wait, there’s a number and a note here…
…the note reads, “Way too lazy. ~ C.”, and the number is…a 3.0.
And so ends the once promising campaign to Pin the Tail on this particular wannabe Antichrist.
Still, we must admit, Obama has a lot of promise and a lot of time to do a whole lot more damage. He’s anti-Christ bad, no doubt, and at a very high level…but, The Antichrist? Well, as we have confirmed here today, he’s just not worthy of The Tail.
So the search goes on…and on…as it always does here in the happy land of bad eschatology and cracked dispensationalism.
Thank you so much for sharing in this installment of Pin the Tail on the Antichrist!
Please do check out our newly launched site at www.PinTheTailOnTheAntichrist.com. It’s in a very basic form right now, but we will be adding bios, archives, polls(!), and other goodies in the coming weeks.
If you know of a serious candidate for future consideration here at PToA, please email Damien@PinTheTailOnTheAntichrist.com.
Thanks again, have a great day, and remember always: Eschatology matters!
© 2014 Scott Alan Buss – All Rights Reserved.
For more blog posts, book excerpts, and other (hopefully) cool things, head on over to www.FireBreathingChristians.com.