Magnificent Joel’s MMA Jesus

Osteen hands

You’d think that any serious, thoughtful, biblically literate Christian with at least two God-given brain cells to rub together would be able to identify sound theology at least where the cornerstone basics are concerned. Sadly, I find that assumption challenged every time I hear the likes of Joel Osteen open his pie hole to the thunderous applause of enormo crowds of professing believers.

Maybe another false assumption would be that these “believers” actually believe in and on the one and only Jesus of the Bible and subscribe to what was once referred to reverently as “orthodox Christianity”.

They certainly do believe in Joel. That much is clear.

But what about Jesus?

The Jesus of the Bible, I mean?

Well…

Before I wander too far off track, let me cut to the chase and quote Magnificent Joel directly as he described a battle that he believes Jesus had with Satan in hell (and yes, he means this literally folks):

“For three days Jesus fought with the enemy. It was the battle of the ages, light versus darkness, good versus evil. But thank God Satan was no match for Jesus.

“He grabbed Satan by the nap [sic] of his neck and He began to slowly drag him down the corridors of hell. All beat up and bruised because He wanted to make sure that every single demon saw very clearly that Jesus was indeed the undisputed champion of all time!”

At this point, I’m thinking that South Park is roughly as credible as Mr. O in its depictions of Jesus, Satan, hell and virtually every theological issue that both have touched upon. Honestly, one has to wonder how such a thing could be spoken to a “Christian” crowd without inciting a combination of hysterical laughter and frustrated disgust.

But there he stands: The Great Joel Osteen.

Most recognized evangelical in the land. Best known “Christian leader” in the country.

With evangelicals like this, who needs a Whore of Babylon?

What might somebody like, I dunno, maybe…the Apostle Paul have to say about this?

How might he react to Joel’s “teaching”?

I’m thinking we might see something close to Smiling Osteen’s farcical depiction actualized were such a meeting to take place between he and Paul.

Now there’s a pay-per-view event for the ages: Paul vs Osteen! (I think they could even use Joel’s “light versus darkness” and “good versus evil” taglines in all the pre-event promos.)

Now that’s a Celebrity Death Match I’d pay real money to see! 

And yeah, I’d toss in an extra $10 for HD on that one…definitely…

$15 if Cartman referees.

 

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12 COMMENTS

    • Right judgment and right condemnation are serious matters, no doubt. Essential and challenging, both.

      I wish you well and greatly appreciate your taking the time to thoughtfully chime in here.

      Best,

      Scott

  1. Fire Breather-

    You mention to "test all THINGS". And to this I would agree. We are to test them in the Spirit. I get confused when you say something from the Word, and then perform something very different. You may believe that you are "testing a Thing". However, it appears that you are judging a man (Joel O).
    So I'm confused by this. When I test what things you have spoken, I'm left wanting and confused.
    It would be wise to be careful.
    If what Joel O speaks is of a man, it will crumble. But if it is of God…. well you know the rest right?
    FYI… I don't watch Joel O or read his material. I also refuse to judge the Man, just the THING or message. In his case and yours, the man is not the message.
    Peace be to your house…

    • The God of biblical Christianity commands that we test all things and then judge – yes, judge – rightly. We are called to seek and use good judgment and avoid hypocritical judgment.

      The call to adhere to and employ right standards of judgment is made plain throughout Scripture, and this certainly applies to professing teachers, preachers and leaders within the church. Remember the Bereans.

      If you refuse to judge teachers and their teachings rightly, you are openly rejecting the crystal clear command of God. But, to some extent at least, this is not the case, since you were willing to take the time and make the effort to judge me for employing these biblical standards in rightly judging Joel Osteen.

      With watchmen like that on the wall, the wolves that the Lord has warned us of and commanded us to defend against are likely to remain happy, welcome and full.

      I hope and pray that all professing Christians will come to embrace and obey Scripture's command to test all things and judge teachers and their teachings rightly.

      Have a good one!

      Best,

      Scott

  2. Joel Osteen is an example of the counterfeit Christianity preached in America. There is no differnce according to the polls of the morality of the group that attends church and those who don't. Until sin is confronted in our lives and there is genuine repentance of those who claim to belong to Christ there is no hope for America. Keep revealing the truth according to God's written word.

  3. This is just beyond ridiculous. Your opinionated, at hominem attack on other Christians is just beyond the pale. Please remove me from your subscription list. I don't want to read this drivel any more.

    • Hmmm…

      I accurately quote Osteen as he intentionally mutilates the central event of biblical Christianity and you have a problem with…me.

      Not surprising. It's that kind of loyalty (to Osteen over biblical Christianity) that keeps his counter-Christian, enormo-dome filling "ministry" thriving. Itching ears want what Osteen is pitching and anyone getting in the way of that transaction is gonna take some heat.

      Remember: "Test all things" and "hold fast to that which is true"…even when it ruffles feathers (as it almost always will).

  4. Like many of these charlatans, he preaches a Jesus that will kepp butts in the seats and the $$ coming in. Where the REAL Christ is taught, peoplke might actually have to… gulp… admit their sins and… horror of horrors…. repent! That would mean less $$ in the coffers for these frauds. Feel good sells. Truth, not so well. Yet,look at the results. Truth leads to salvation. Feel good, not so much..

  5. I agree with you, this whole theory of Jesus spending 3 days in hell or fighting with Satan in hell is totally ridiculous and unbiblical and thank you for telling it like it is.

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