You’d think that any serious, thoughtful, biblically literate Christian with at least two God-given brain cells to rub together would be able to identify sound theology at least where the cornerstone basics are concerned. Sadly, I find that assumption challenged every time I hear the likes of Joel Osteen open his pie hole to the thunderous applause of enormo crowds of professing believers.
Maybe another false assumption would be that these “believers” actually believe in and on the one and only Jesus of the Bible and subscribe to what was once referred to reverently as “orthodox Christianity”.
They certainly do believe in Joel. That much is clear.
But what about Jesus?
The Jesus of the Bible, I mean?
Before I wander too far off track, let me cut to the chase and quote Magnificent Joel directly as he described a battle that he believes Jesus had with Satan in hell (and yes, he means this literally folks):
“For three days Jesus fought with the enemy. It was the battle of the ages, light versus darkness, good versus evil. But thank God Satan was no match for Jesus.
“He grabbed Satan by the nap [sic] of his neck and He began to slowly drag him down the corridors of hell. All beat up and bruised because He wanted to make sure that every single demon saw very clearly that Jesus was indeed the undisputed champion of all time!”
At this point, I’m thinking that South Park is roughly as credible as Mr. O in its depictions of Jesus, Satan, hell and virtually every theological issue that both have touched upon. Honestly, one has to wonder how such a thing could be spoken to a “Christian” crowd without inciting a combination of hysterical laughter and frustrated disgust.
But there he stands: The Great Joel Osteen.
Most recognized evangelical in the land. Best known “Christian leader” in the country.
With evangelicals like this, who needs a Whore of Babylon?
What might somebody like, I dunno, maybe…the Apostle Paul have to say about this?
How might he react to Joel’s “teaching”?
I’m thinking we might see something close to Smiling Osteen’s farcical depiction actualized were such a meeting to take place between he and Paul.
Now there’s a pay-per-view event for the ages: Paul vs Osteen! (I think they could even use Joel’s “light versus darkness” and “good versus evil” taglines in all the pre-event promos.)
Now that’s a Celebrity Death Match I’d pay real money to see!
And yeah, I’d toss in an extra $10 for HD on that one…definitely…
$15 if Cartman referees.